A very elderly man by the name of Mr Barry Goldstein was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong. "Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing that her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.
The following day, Mr Goldstein was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pyjamas when he met Nurse Tracy.
"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Parts back inside your pyjamas.
"But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my Private Part died."
"Well, yes you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pyjamas?"
"Mr Goldstein was puzzled however replied, "Because today's the viewing."
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Not Appreciated at work..... your not alone !!
Just goes to show you, no matter how hard you work you willnot be paid any extra & it is now a matter of fact
that no one will possibly even notice....!!
that no one will possibly even notice....!!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Having Mum over for Dinner !!
Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer was.
Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Jennifer and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mum:
I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Brian
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mum
LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER.
Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Jennifer and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mum:
I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Brian
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mum
LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER.
A Real Cracker
Two gay men decide to have a baby.
They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.
When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs. "Isn't it wonderful?" one gay says to the other. "All these unhappy babies .... and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"
The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his arse!"
They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.
When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs. "Isn't it wonderful?" one gay says to the other. "All these unhappy babies .... and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"
The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his arse!"
Monday, February 4, 2008
Budget Motels
A man walked into what he was told was a budget motel.
After making it known how much he could afford he was being shown to the room by the owner when he asked her what the room was like. "Oh it's a beautiful room" she said and then added "Do you have a good memory for faces" to which he replied "Well, yes I do ... why do you ask?"
The owner replied "Because there's no mirror in the bathrooom."
After making it known how much he could afford he was being shown to the room by the owner when he asked her what the room was like. "Oh it's a beautiful room" she said and then added "Do you have a good memory for faces" to which he replied "Well, yes I do ... why do you ask?"
The owner replied "Because there's no mirror in the bathrooom."
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