He said .... She said

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Melbourne!"

And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.

She said - Well, you succeeded.
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He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
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He said - "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?"

She said - "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.
On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger....... Whoosh ... immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
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AND THE BEST ONE YET... A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:

* She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
* Her son is on the cover of the Cornflakes box.
* Her daughter is on the cover of Business Review Weekly.
* Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
* And her husband is on a Wanted Poster in the Police Station.

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A PRAYER....

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat the livin' shit out of him.

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